Fear

Fear will sing your dreams to sleep if you let it

Fear is misplaced Faith

Fear takes over when I give more weight to "what if's" than what God said and who He is.

What's God's Point?

WHo am I? 

Why am I here?

What’s my purpose?

Who is God, Where is he?

What’s the point?

These are questions that have echoed throughout eternity since man believed the lie Satan brought into the garden. The question we should be asking is, “ What is God’s point?” Where is he leading me?

If I’m going to find any answers I need to go back to the source. “I need to sit under the tree of life” and ask God, “What’s the point?” 

Because how we answer that question determines the way we will live our lives. 

Do we think God wound us up and is no longer involved? 

DO you think you were made just to live 70-80 years and then die? 

If you are a Christian do you believe you were made to accept Jesus and go to Heaven? If that’s the case, I ask you, What’s the point? Wouldn’t it be better to just die now if the goal is “heaven”. Was sin bigger than God, did it surprise him, and he’s really going to scrap the world, and pull out plan B?

I don’t believe so. I believe there was only ever one plan, and we are still going back to what he originally intended in eden. 

We pray over and over, the memorized so often said in a drone monotone, “ Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven..” 

DO we realize what scripture says? That it says “Here on earth.” That doesn’t sound like rapture and destroying the earth. Isn’t he a God who makes all things new? 

Are we fighting a losing battle, or do we believe in the eschatology of Victory? Is the question Andrew posed to us last week. 

Because if we believe it is all  just going to hell in a hand basket, then why go to Haiti, why help the brokenhearted and homeless? Why recycle, and why do we do anything for the environment if death is the end? 

I believe death is inevitable, but it’s not the end. I’m looking forward to the end, the real ending. The life AFTER life after death.. what happens after “heaven”. 

Because before the fall we were made to work, and work was good. It was cursed at the fall, not created. I don’t think our future is white robes, mansions, and harps, but a New Jerusalem. An Eden like City where we live life the way God intended ; with him on the throne. That’s the Kingdom I believe in. That’s the point. Or a start.... 

Hey Idiot, I love you. What do you think of me?

At the end of the week this is how I have heard God... like "Come on Rachael, just live for me..I love you." Do you need to get smacked over the head and told the same? Believe me, He does Love you..Let that free up your mind a bit. 

The freedom to Love God and do what you want has completely shifted my thinking of the way calling works. We didn't discuss it in class this week, but Moses comes to mind. God didn't force something on him that wasn't there. Moses sat in the presence of God, and Aaron spoke.. two separate and necessary jobs that needed doing for God's work to be carried out. 

Before coming to G42 I began reading Knowledge of the Holy*. AW Tozer's plea for us to think well on God, to seek out the mysteries of who he is, and the truth he has reveled of himself in scripture. G42 is knowledge of the Holy in action. Our classes are meant to make us uncomfortable, to dig into the deepest parts of our minds and figure out what ungodly beliefs have been tucked away that need to be infused with truth. We are practicing thinking well on God. 

In our session on Thursday we talked about strongholds. 

Stronghold: A  hiding camp of the enemy. A stronghold is a distinct pattern burned in our minds that causes us to think or perceive things in a certain way. A faulty thinking pattern based on lies and deception. 

By the way, Demons and strongholds are good friends. If Satan gets a hold of your mind, he needs to do nothing else. 

Can you guess what the two major strongholds in believers are??

1.) An incorrect view of who God is..

2.) An incorrect perception of who we are...

Who is God? Who are you?

What would you answer to those two questions?

I know there are many layers to each, but I'm more looking for the first thing that comes to mind, the first layer you could say. I've realized this week just how many layers to strongholds there can be, how many layers of freedom are available, and how much we can either allow ourselves to be trapped or experiencing the fullness of what we were made for. 

Go ahead, throw out your "Christian, moral, safe" answer. You don't have to have grown up in the church to have one of these. It's our general response, like saying "fine, or good" when asked how we are. Throw it out and get real. One truth I knew going into this is God IS all honesty and truth. When we are honest he honors and respects that, it's not like he doesn't already know how you feel. Oh and... screw the people around you. (Don't get me wrong, I love people, but our assumption of what people will think or say in response to who we are, what we are questioning or how we feel is to speak plainly, stupid... there will be more on this later.) 

Now say it out loud. God I think you are (___________insert your answer here.) Listen to the what you just said. Repeat it a few times, and let the words fall to the floor, or echo around you. 

Why do you think that? Where did it come from? and are you willing to explore it to find truth?

Now, Imagine doing that in front of 17 other people. Imagine being called on before you've had time to think of a proper answer, or even get your thoughts together. Imagine letting go of what other people think of you and just focusing in on the question. Imagine letting your guard down so people can really see you. Welcome to G42. 

This is what the church should look like. This is what we should be doing. Let's stop having bible studies where one person speaks and everyone listens, and lets put the responsibility back on everyone to know each other and be known and wrestle through things together. I still think we need a pastor to shepherd and bring truth to the whole, but in our day to day, in our meetings, in our general conversation.. 

What are we doing? How are we helping each other mature and work if our perception of God is skewed, our perception of ourselves is inadequate, and of one another isn't real? 

What is the point of the church?? Why do we gather together? Is it not to know and pursue who God is? And support each other wherever each of us are? To worship together in freedom and in truth? To work to bring the kingdom of God in all areas of life? Because from where I'm sitting I don't see a lot of this in the church body. I see a lot of people coming in craving it, but too scared to step out and take it. What are we afraid of??

What if we got together to figure out who God is and who we are, and started the conversation with, "Hey Idiot, I love you." Would you feel the freedom to breathe and be real? Please don't be offended. There's no need to be. I'm just calling it like I see it, and like I've been called out on it. I've been an idiot, and I'm trying to walk away from that. 

Here is a small peek into our conversation about what we think of God, and questions we have. None of us are perfect. We are all figuring it out. But there are two types of people: Those who sit in their imperfection and those who seek out the answers to change it. 

I would love to know your answers and your questions. You are welcome to be honest here.. if you are so brave.. to enter into a little freedom.

" I sometimes fear that in the face of a decision I will choose the wrong thing and God will be disappointed in me. That I constantly let him down. .."

" I picture God as my imaginary friend, that only I can hear and do what He's telling me..like jiminy cricket."

" God just seems so abstract, like when I finally see him one way, everything shifts and I don't understand, and maybe won't ever."

" I see what I have, and what I'm lacking and think God's not fair. Then I see what I have that others are lacking, and think the same. Everything is so uneven. If he can do something about it, why not. I can't tell if he's in control, and if he's not, then how can I trust him?"

" I see God as being judgmental.."

" I used to think that 'God so loved the world' and didn't see the individual. I now waver back and forth between that and that he sees me so personally..."

"God is constant. We don't have to work for his love. That 'though we are unfaithful he is faithful'(2 tim 2:13). I know that from walking away from him, and him taking me back with no questions. How can someone do that? I don't know if I could love someone like that."

"Is he a God of all things, and if so why did he create people who wouldn't ever love him? or does he choose not to know all things?.."

" If we say God is in control, why is there so much crap that goes on. Doesn't seem to me like he is control of a lot."

" I picture God as a distance marker. That I strive and "do good" to get closer to him, and no matter how much I move forward the distance marker keeps getting further and further away."

" I fear he won't equip me for the things he's put on my heart. It's overwhelming."

" How many of you think if you don't read or pray, or have a quiet time, you'll be back at square one with God again?" (multiple hands raise...)

How do we find the answers? How do we get past these strongholds in our life......? On it's way shortly...Don't worry it's not a ten step process or something you can check off. That's not my style, and it's not my Dad's either.

* Unfortunately, I left "Knowledge of the Holy" on my plane ride from NY to Belgium. Praying that whoever picks it up is intrigued and taken on an awesome journey to discover who God is...I'm hoping to find one in a used book store around here. 

Love God and do what YOU want...

“Love God, and do what YOU want..”

It may sound controversial to some, but this is the phrase that sent my mind reeling our first day of classes this week here at G42. Love God, and do what you want. So many people have asked me what exactly is G42 and why are you going and so here is my attempt to put into words why I am here and what I’m experiencing. It will be in several parts so i don’t exhaust you in one post. I am not one to tell a short story. 

In order to explain the present, let me explain the past. When I left on the world race I left a job that I love, a city my heart aches for, and some pretty incredible people in pursuit of my “calling.” Before I planted somewhere, I wanted to know that it was “exactly where God wanted me..” destiny talk I guess you could call it, God’s divine will. I realized quickly after training camp for the World Race, that the year was going to look completely different than I had expected. In fact I was told to drop all expectations, and be open to whatever God would do throughout the year. A pretty daunting demand for a control freak like myself, but I went in open handed wanting whatever it was that God had for me, and he blew away any of my previous expectations, and gave me so many answers, but left me with more questions than I had ever had in my life. 

When I got home I felt restless, I need to be “doing” something. After all we have seen, done, and experienced this year I can’t just do nothing. After all the people I’ve met, the ways I’ve seen God move, and the inner transformation that’s happened in my own heart, where do I go from here. I have all of these passions, and all this fight against the injustice of this world welling up inside of me and....

                  

                  I DON’T KNOW.....

           WHAT TO DO WITH IT!

Not knowing is the worst for me, and so I paced the many houses I visited in the last several months trying to figure out what “my calling” is. When I finally decided to come to G42 it was, because I wanted it to be a part of my story, because I want to be mentored by people passionate to know God, and who's purpose is to send our generation out making a passion a vision and a vision a reality. We may not have much control over our environment, where we are born, or what family we are born into, but what we do have a choice in we should seize, not take for granted. Decisions are an honor God bestowed to us saying “I trust you.” Our problem a lot of the time isn’t that we haven’t heard God.. it’s that we don’t trust when we have. We are so caught up with wanting a burning bush, or to hear God’s audible voice speaking through a mega phone in the sky that we remain immobile asking for “confirmation” for the sixth time instead of seeing the passions God has given us are for us to take action.

What makes you feel alive? What gets you up in the morning? What do you see in the world that makes you burn up inside at the injustice? The age old question, “ If money weren’t an issue, What would you do with your life? Is so appropriate. Why aren’t we doing the things we love? I’m not saying the things that just make you “happy”. Life isn’t about being happy, but about work. We were each uniquely created to work for the kingdom of God. It might not always be easy, but a little passion goes a long way.... 

Our first session here at G42 Beck Hearn lead with, “ I’m not interested in fluffy super spiritual out christian-ing one another. If one of you was made to be a hairstylist, and the other wants nothing more than to start orphanages in Africa, neither is more holy. You both have a separate passion, a different mission, and both are needed. If one of you tries to do what was intended for someone else, then you create a void where you are meant to be. Don’t try to do someone else’s work, because it seems more worthy. Do the work God gave you. DO what you love. Do it for the glory of God....”

That was the first 30 minutes of our classes, the first paragraph of my 22 pages of notes, and the first discussion that started revealing issues I’ve been having in decision making, in understanding who God is, and who I am to him. I’ve often thought of God as a Father who I’ll never please. I’ll stress out about a decision, because I want to make sure it’s his perfect will so he isn’t disappointed in me. But that’s not the point. He gives me free will to choose, and he gives you the free will to do the same. Even if we don’t choose him, he’s proven he'll fight all of eternity to get us back. 

“...if you really really love God and have a relationship with Him, you don't want to do anything other than what He wants you to do! "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature rather serve one another in LOVE." Galatians 5:13. That is freedom in Christ! It isn't about rules or religion, it's about grace, love, and Jesus kicking the crap out of Satan.

~Taken from Steve and Jo’s adventures, G42 alumni

www.thestevejoadventure.blogspot.com.es/2011/06/g42.html

** If you’d like to help support me here at G42 the support link is www.g42leadershipacademy.org/donate and be sure to put “Rachael Metzger” in the intern box. I am currently in need of 300 dollars for this months tuition, and $5500 total for the 6 months here. Thank you!

 

Gratitude: Mystery

There's nothing like a cloud to distract and start the mind reeling.. to pull you into the wonder of God

"As nothing is more easy to think," says Thomas Traherne, "so nothing is more difficult than to think well." If we ever think well it should be when we think of God. 

I like to think.

If I ever tell you I'm not thinking about anything, I'm lying, and you should call me out on it.

I like to ponder truths that I may never know the answer to until I leave this world.

I am getting to the point where I am okay with not knowing all the answers.

Are you?

I have been known to pull out a check list on occasion. It usually happens when I have been asking questions and in deep thought. Questions that I do not feel like I can ever come to a conclusion on, you know, the ones that revolve in a circle. So I pull out my checklist when I am on the brink of breakdown, and I write down the things I know to be true. The things I cannot deny.

My check-list has continued to grow. It began as:

1.) I believe in God the creator, because I don't believe in the Big Bang Theory

Thankfully my checklist has evolved.

I think it has to do with this whole thankfulness business. You stop to smell the roses and you see the little things, that make up the medium things, that build into the larger things, that support the ginormous things and before you know it you have a new truth that was built from the foundation up. Truth that is not easily shaken. One less thing to whip out the checklist for.

I'm reading knowledge of the Holy by A.W Tozer. If you haven't read it go and pick it up, like right now.

I've never thought about How I think about God. Have you? What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of God?

Right now for me it's: BIG

I know that word is insufficient, but as I'm reading more, I am realizing more that no words we apply to created things can be applied to God. No characteristics we apply to ourselves can fully describe the attributes of God.

"Seek the Lord while you can find Him. Call on Him now while He is near. Let the wicked change their ways, and banish the very thought of doing wrong. Let them turn to the Lord that He may have mercy on them. Yes, turn to our God, for He will forgive generously. "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,"says the Lord. "And My ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so My ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."~ Isaiah 55:6-9

I claim to love a good mystery, to love spontaneity, and a good adventure. If we knew everything, life would be a bore wouldn't it? God is the most mysterious being we could possibly think on. We must continue to go back for more, because He can never be fully discovered or figured out. I wouldn't want to worship someone who was. I have forgotten that my whole life is enshrouded by mystery. I imagine you have as well. That somewhere along the way we thought it possible to figure everything out, and that a sensible person can explain and justify everything. Along the way we elevated our position from created being to demi-god. We have changed from worshipping the Creator, to worshipping the created.  Our minds were made to figure things out, but in the context of our Creator, to come to Him with questions, and hungry for more come back again and again. Somewhere along the way we decided we didn't need HIm for the answers. That if we couldn't figure it out on our own, then it wasn't true. I think God is one of the only areas we apply that logic. It makes no sense. 

"Secularism, materialism, and the intrusive presence of things have put out the light in our souls, and turned us into a generation of zombies. We cover our deep ignorance with words, but we are afraid to wonder, we are afraid to whisper mystery.."*

I refuse to be afraid of Mystery. God is surrounded by it, and I want to be close to him. I want to think well of Him. Do you? Would you dare to take the time to think on God, to lay down the control, and illusion of having all the answers, and step into the mystery? I think you will find it is more than you have ever dreamed of or risked pondering.

* Knowledge of the Holy: The Holy Trinity; pg. 18

Gratitude: Deciding ( The choice to choose.. part 2)

How cool is the Fremont Troll-  a fun way to be reminded that there are things bigger than me:)

I went to visit a good friend in Seattle the first weekend of May. A change of scenery, an amazing car ride just me and the Lord, and finally I heard him speak. I was told, "Rachael, you're not going to surprise God with your decision. He won't cup his hand over his mouth, gasp and exclaim, " I can't believe she just decided that!" You can step outside of His will by sinning, but you cannot step outside of His sovereignty." Truth shattered fear. Bits of doubt broke away. You cannot step outside of HIs sovereignty. My decision is not bigger than God. 

As the rest of the weekend went on God's whisper was present in my ear. I was in town for a baby shower, and found myself constantly surrounded by pregnant, or at least married women. Even at church it was like everyone, and their mom was pregnant and one false move, one accidental bump and I could send someone into labor. Normally, in these situations I would have a wide smile grin on my face on the outside, and inside be fighting jealousy, comparison, and loneliness. I would be asking the question, "When me Lord?" But this weekend was different. I was surprised that the question never even came to mind. All of this thankfulness in the everyday, in the small things must be paying off. In being thankful for everything going on in my life it has finally after years of fighting it, brought me to a place of contentment. I am not looking on the other side for green grass, but digging my toes in the ground beneath my feet and breathing in the fresh air right where I am. 

As I watched my friends interact as a married couple, I realized just how thankful I am to still be single. Don't get me wrong, their marriage is beautiful; marriage is holy and awesome, but a decision I consider small is magnified in marriage, because two have become one, and now must operate like so. Likewise, a decision that has seemed so large, like the one that could change the course of my life forever, shrunk to it's rightful proportion. This decision to go to Spain now, to stay in Portland, or otherwise is being made by me. While friends and family do weigh in, I am going where I feel God is leading, and he has given me the choice to choose where that will be. I am deciding for one, and I am so thankful for that. One day I may be deciding for two, and then three, and four, but today it's just me. Another wave of Peace hit me, and pressure was released. There is freedom in a decision. 

God gave us free will. He entrusted us with a choice. He wanted us to choose to love him. Not be forced to like robots, but to see His goodness, and be awestruck by his glory. He wanted us to fall in love with him, and love is not real love unless there is the option to say No. God trusts me with decisions. Instead of feeling weak in the face of this decision I should feel empowered that the one who created the universe is allowing me to make it. He empowers me with His grace. No matter what mistake I may make, wrong turn I may take, if I am pursuing Him He sets my feet on the right path-He continues to draw me into himself. In the words of Donald Miller, 

"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?

I'm thankful for green apes playing bucket drums for my entertainment

  

Driving back to Portland on I-5 Sunday, the sun scattered freckles across my arms and my cheeks, and I finally felt able. Able to make a decision. I talked to God and said, " Lord, I'd really like G-42 to be a part of my story. I don't want to waste a second of this time when I am single. I'm thankful for the things and people in my life that pull me to stay, but Rejoice for the freedom to pick up and go in this moment. I want my story to be one so jam packed with everything life could offer. I don't know why I am so blessed, but debating why I am and another isn't doesn't solve anything. Lord, use me in this time. Use my life to sprinkle blessings on everyone around me. I have been given much and want to share the wealth. G-42 is the way I feel I can pursue you best and step towards the vision you've given me all in one. I'm going for it. I know you're with me, and I know you are much bigger than this moment. "

Mirror Man

God's violent Peace shook me on the way home from Seattle. I don't have to have everything figured out, I can walk towards what's to come, but at the end of the day I can rest easy knowing that my story ends well- In the words of John Mark Comer. This one decision will determine setting, characters, maybe some conflict, and climax, but the resolution is always the same; the ultimate ending, and that is that Jesus returns. He's Lord, and He comes back to right the world. Everything else pales. I look a little ahead and stress. I need to look further out and see that it ends well. My story is good. I am part of a redeeming, powerful, transforming, and victorious future. I'll leave you with Donald Miller. I couldn't write it better myself. 

"It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.

I want to repeat one word for you:

Leave.

Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."

A few more things I'm thankful for.....

Thankful to have not been eaten on these majestic trails by cougars or bears!
Cougar and Bear Wild lands, Highlands, Isaquaa

Seattle's Dinosaurs

Gratitude: The choice to choose.. part 1

Make a Decision to Decide. Sounds like a funny slogan, but it's one I heard a million times over when I got back from the race. I wasn't ready to make a decision. I was stuck. Stuck like gum on a wall in Seattle. Like a disgusting, germ infested mural that everyone adds to at one point or another, reaffirming you are not alone in feeling immobile. There were so many thoughts, options, dreams, and fears running through my mind. All I wanted to do was hit the off switch and power down for a few months to recuperate. Have you ever been there?

As some of you may have read, I posted a blog about G-42. I posted about my plans to go in July, and then that was the last you heard of it. I refused to be stuck. I vowed not to be aimless. I made a decision to decide in January and then in April I decided to step back from that decision to pray, again. I asked my family to pray with me instead of just for me, and let me know what they thought about my going to G-42, what they heard God speaking, and what questions and concerns they might have. I prayed that in this 2 week period we would all be on the same page, and I would have their support not just because I am their daughter, but because they believe in what I am doing as well.

At the end of the two weeks I was blown away by God's faithfulness, and the unity he had brought over my family, unfortunately I felt paralyzed. My family was all saying Go! I thought I'd instantly buy my ticket if my family was 100% on board, and yet I couldn't move. I was so confused. "God, I don't understand, why do I no longer have a peace about leaving in July? I actually don't feel swayed to leave for Spain or stay in Portland, or anything else. What am I going to do?" I felt like I could do nothing. The only thing I felt able to do was pray.

The next week and a half I was a wreck. I worried. I was stressed. I ask about a million and one questions. Friends, family and G-42 staff were patient with me. For a week and a half I wrestled with God. "God what is your will? Do you have something specific for me, or am I to just choose?" I listened to sermons. I read the word. I googled. I even asked Siri, "Siri, What is the will of God for my life?" Clearly Siri didn't know. I was searching for God's audible voice, and what God gave me at the end of this wrestling was freedom;  Freedom from doubt. He freed my mind from second guessing, and He freed me from thinking that this one decision was out of His hands.....

Part 2 soon!