Thursday, January 26, 2012

Angels on the Raleigh greenway..

I'm about to bawl again writing this, but they are good tears at least. I have been on a roller coaster of sobbing since I woke up this morning after a restless night of sleep. I think my spirit knew battle was coming. As I text out this morning to some of you I found out via text my grandmother was going in for surgery. This is my grandma Jeanine- aka my best friend in the whole world. I frantically scrambled to call my grandparents cell, and house phone leaving messages with everyone, and finally getting ahold of my uncle Tim- from franklin, TN- who was actually in MT at the hospital with them. Praise the Lord. The message had been wrong. She was meeting with surgeons today, and having surgery tomorrow.. still a weight on my heart. The doctors had gone in before and found nothing when they took biopsy. I thought for sure my grandmother had been completely healed, and that when they did the second biopsy it would just be confirmation and testimony to the medical proffessionals of who really is first and foremost in the business of healing.

Unfortunately- God does things on his own timing, his own view of whats ahead and not mine, and the results came back all malignant in every place and her needing to be rushed for surgery. I talked to my grandmother a bit this morning, and as usual she is strong, solid on the Lord as her rock, optimistic, and even Joyful. She seriously blows me away everytime I speak with her. " Honey, I'm going home one way or the other.." she told me this morning, as I, not her bawled over the phone. She had to get off the phone, because the doctors were calling her in, and she reminded me again to not do anything on account of her. She is fine, and the Lord has her. But my heart is ripping, not being there. Not being there to hold her hand, to pray with her, to speak life over her,  read to her, and hear her stories, and just get that time with her that I thought was untouchable, and now seems to be teetering on a suspendable bridge- the old cords of wrope fraying violently.

I talked to some of my family via text when I got off the phone with her about flying back. I looked up flights and straight to montana are way out of my price range. Going to Portland right away is even $500 dollars for a one way from Raleigh, and so I stopped to just sit for a minute and pray. Lord I need to get out of here. I kept feeling " Wait.. " And so i decided to go for a run to clear my thoughts, and let the Lord speak. I jogged towards the greenway and was sobbing on and off the entire way, listening to praise and worship music on random, but every song was so intentionally lifting up my spirit. As I sung out a "he is always holy" a woman I was jogging by said," Thats right! Amen.. keep going honey. Praise him..." I smiled back at her and started bawling again.. still running. At several points along the way in the woods I knelt down to sob and pray, and felt the Lord cover me with Peace. I prayed for a divine appointment, a word of encouragement. " Lord- let me meet an angel, please..someone to tell me Don't be afraid."

I rounded the bend for the last leg of my run, and the same woman who had said "Amen.. keep going." flagged me down and asked me what church I belonged to. She was a larger african american lady, clearly not a native american from her accent. I told her I was just passing through, and from Portland. She asked me what was troubling me, clearly I had been crying with my puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks. I told her what I had just found out about my grandmother through sobs, and she told me her story:

" Child. Nothing is impossible through our Father. He is a good God. He is a good Father, and he will watch over you, just as he has watched over me. I am from Zambia, and at a time when I was traveling back and forth to amsterdam a lot I had been diagnosed with cancer in my breast. This was 10 years ago. It was so bad, malignant, they had taken a biopsy and told me I needed surgery. But when I went back in for my last scan and to schedule surgery the doctors came back with a clean report. They didn't understand. They told me they must have made a mistake, and I told them they hadn't, but that the Lord was bigger than cancer, and had come in my body and healed me. I have never had any other problems since, and continue to praise him. He honors our belief, our sincere faith. Ask him sincerely from your heart and trust him to Move."

I sobbed the entire time she retold this phenomenal act of grace the Lord had done in her life, and she hugged me. I asked her to pray for me, and she said, "yes, I will, and we will call upon the Lord for your grandmother right now." She declared healing over my grandma Jeanine on that greenway path, as joggers and walkers slowed down to see what could have brought these radically different women together holding hands and crying. She cried as she prayed for the Lord's mercy, and his peace to cover our family, and for all attacks of the enemy to be thworted. She said " Lord come heal OUR grandmother, for this is my sister." For Jesus to triumph as he has again and again over cancer and all sickness. Lord we believe and trust you are able."

She hugged me again, and said " Be of Great Faith sister." and walked away. I stood there a little stunned. And continued with my run, still sobbing as was the theme of my afternoon, but in a different way. These were sobs of unbelief, that I had prayed for an angel and the Lord had given me one. I had prayed for word and he had spoken. He had seen me in Raleigh, NC on the shelley lake greenway. He had heard my cry. I laughed for a while after that as I paused looking over shelley lake. Our God is so good. I have proclaimed again and again that no matter what comes ahead I will sing Hallelujah. I even declared in our hostel room in Vietnam, that if the thing I feared the most happened ( which for me was to lose someone close to me, specifically my grandmother..) that I would still declare he was good, and I would still Love him. And here I am faced with my greatest fear, and I do, I still Love him. He is still good. He is so faithful, and he is always keeping me on my toes.

Please continue to keep my Grandma Jeanine and Grandfather, and just our whole family in your prayers. Pray the Lord provides a way for me to get there quickly to be near her and encourage her. Just pray he would be made known through everything that happens along the way. I know he is good. I know he is faithful, and I know he clearly bends down to hear our cry ( psalm 116).  Thank you Lord for sending an angel to me in Raleigh, NC. Even when the road ahead looks scary, my worst fear, I'll praise you- I'll be of strong faith and courage just like my amazing grandmother. Thanks for her God.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

On the road again....update!


**Follow me on instagram from state to state metzger_rachael is my user name**

I'm sitting in Tate street coffee near UNCG's campus. I spoke to some students here last night about my walk with the Lord, before going on The World Race, during and now after and how much He has changed me. How much He changed all of us that went and thought we were just signing up to go do a little " missions work". Work got done, people were served, the gospel was shared, but Why the Lord took us out of what we knew and threw us into The World Race was to take us into the wilderness and speak tenderly to us. He wanted to reveal more of himself and wake us up to who he is and who he desires us to be.

Anyone who knew me before the race could tell you what I wanted coming out of the World Eace was to be called to a specific country or ministry we worked with and know my life plans- finally have clarity. But what I got coming out of the race was a desire for more of God, more intimacy with the creator of heaven and earth, and the question plaguing me was no longer where are you going , but who are you becoming? (Don't get me wrong I still want to know the where's as well, but the main thing is the who) So I'll pose the same question to you: " Who are you becoming? When you die what legacy do you want to leave? If you were to pass away right now what would others write about who you were? It can be a little intense to think of your own eulogy, but tomorrow isn't guaranteed..Do you have a vision of the person you are working to become? And if so, do your decisions line up with being that person?

I wish I had been asking this question years ago. It would have saved a lot of heartache and aimless wandering. Scripture says, "..my people perish without vision" and it's true. It doesn't mean at all that you have to have your entire life mapped out, but what are you moving towards? The external circumstances could change, but the internal process remains the same no matter where you are.

I talked for a while last night, about an hour and a half and I skipped half of what I had planned to talk about- part bending plans to the Spirits will and part my own tangents. My prayer is that in all my rambling that the students I spoke to last night would see that I wanted to make much of Jesus, that I am hungry to know him more, that I want to remind people of their God given identities and spark them to seek out the answers from the Lord- he is faithful to answer. That prayer is the same for whoever I encounter. I want to be the crazy girl obsessed with Jesus. If I am doing things that go against this world order, if I'm being misunderstood, rejected, and questioned by the religious sort, if "non church folk" wanna sit and spend time with me, and our generation is asking for morewith me, then I'll consider it a day well spent; that just maybe I'm figuring out a little more what following Jesus looks like.

I'm excited for how the Lord is going to use his kids on UNCG's campus. I wanna hear how he's speaking to them, the new revelation they are recievibg and how freedom is breaking out on campus and in their city. Lord I trust you with this campus, with these students.. Break addictions, show people who you created them to be, draw people into yourself- and let your kingdom break through in Greensboro. Let the talk be about the love of God people are experiencing that started with this small group of radicals ( normals to you God).

I'm heading to Roxboro,NC to visit one of my very best friends tonight, and I'm so excited for time with her. On Friday evening I will be in Raleigh! Anyone who would like to grab coffee and cath up, talk about life interested in the world race or missions in general or just needs prayer please email me and let me know. I don't have a car, but when I'm not with friends or meeting people I'll be around the coffee shops available to hang out. I am also free to speak at bible studies, churches, youth groups, schools, events, wherever I am needed to come and make much of Jesus. I will be in Raleigh for at least two weeks, possibly longer if I have scheduled event or meetings. I'm thinking I'll be making my way back to TN after Raleigh, but not sure yet. Thanks for following everyone- God Rock our world today!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Through His Perspective.. & pondering on a plane



Christmas Day, 2011

I'm on a plane Nashville bound. I've been off the World Race now for a little over a month, but have hardly sat still. Unfortunately my time with family was only a couple of days here, and there, and then a little under a week right before Christmas, and here it is Christmas day and I am on the move. My sister and I are going to see our family in Nashville, and then some of my world race family are picking me up to road trip to Kansas city, MO for IHOP's "One Thing" conference.

My soul is set on the Lord, but my mind and heart are constantly battling with one another about where I am going with my life. What I am doing, and feeling like I am abandoning my family. My leaving has nothing to do with a running away, but I hope they understand it's because I am running after the most important man in my life; Jesus.

I want to put myself in situations of great dependency on him, I want to be discipled by someone after David's heart; just joyously passionate for the Lord and bringing Kingdom to earth. I want his word written on my heart. I just want more. Life was not meant to be endured, but lived on the fly of our pants, stepping out into risk- risking it all, because there is no security we can count on, but the Lord. All our security lies in him and he loves taking us on an adventure. He loves the risk takers, the great dreamers, and the visionaries- people who want to create a new earth; A new eden.

Clusters of light distract me from my thoughts, but only for a moment, and I am talking to the Lord in my head again. I'm fixated on each one, and the distance between them. Is this what we look like? That cluster is an entire city, full of people with needs, broken people, people who are free, and people who are enslaved, people with dreams, and each person the Lord sees. When I am down there walking about everything seems so big, in the physical and the spiritual- I am sometimes overwhelmed by how small I really am, what can I do? But from up here I feel like I see things from his eyes a bit. Yes, I really am small, a tiny speck- that's clear from here, but also that to him the whole world is small. It's hours between these clusters of light, yet to Him it looks like the size of a fingernail from one to the next, and things are bigger than what is just in front of me, he can see it all at once. Praise the Lord he has the insight to lead us.I often wonder why He made us, do we really move him the way scripture says- what is so special about us?

I peer out the window again squishing my eyes and scrunching my face up really trying to look intently- and see from His perspective. Show me God. Show me. I see a Christmas tree in the distance, one that to me would be hundreds of feet tall, and from here looks like a small table display. All these city light look as if the world is decorated for His glory- like a neighborhood of light displays. The criss cross patterns and grids, amidst the natural mountains, valleys, and twisting rivers. All of it beauty for Him to look upon. He looks at us and sees beauty- because He see the big picture. When he looks at us- individually- he still sees beauty, because he sees the big picture there too. The past, present, and glorious future. He looks not only at who you are in this moment, but who you are becoming in the next. A beautiful thing to have eyes to see perfection in the midst of chaos.

I sat for a moment longer and began to smile. SO God takes delight in the earth, this light show, the creation he made, and especially the us- made in His image. If that all delights God then it should delight me, right? Lord I want to be in awe of who you are and what you've done. I want to choose to stop and watch a falling leaf, because it's glorious, and perfect. Would I have thought of each contour, and crevice in caves, mountains, and the unique imprints of each leaf- the delicate cell structure, the colors, or the textures? Would I have imagined stars, the waters, the sky and the moon? Would I have thought of dimples, and freckles, bone structure and making some people have attached earlobes, and others dangly ones? God is so good! Given a blank canvas- I could never have dreamed up even a fraction of this amazing place called earth. Can you imagine if there was no sunrise? No sunset? The beauty and majesty; the colors in a rainbow; All visual poetry showing us parts of His heart, and we take it for granted everyday.

I don't understand even now how he has no beginning and no end, except that I know it's truth and there is nothing that can contain him. How could we even consider this all happened by chance? Look around you- It can't be coincidence that a man should love a woman and a woman love a man, and the two fit together perfectly as one flesh. That the ocean submits to it's constraints time and time again, and the desire to create almost explodes out of our being. We don't desire to "big bang" or randomly explode into harmony, but rather to make new things, invent, design, and explore all characteristics of a creator. That's because we were made from, and by a creator God. His print is on us. We were made in his glorious image.

Some may call me foolish to believe the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob placed the stars in the sky, created man from dust, and knew me and formed before I was ever in my mother's womb. Funny thing though is it takes the same faith to believe in something as it does to believe in nothing. Nothing sounds a bit more ridiculous to me; therefore it may take more faith to reject a creator God when creation shouts His glory; screams his name. Both seem far fetched, but we have to choose. We are either for him or against him. Just look around you, he is drawing you into himself, and wants to be in relationship with you, allow yourself just to stop. pause. look around. Could this really have happened without intention in mind?

Isn't it amazing we can ask these questions? That's because the Lord has blessed us, and entrusted us with the decision to choose him or not. He gives freedom so the love is sincere, so our hearts are pure, and our desires are on Him because we choose him, not because we have to, but because we want to. Just as parents can't choose their child's destiny, only put up caution signs, promptings, and guide them along the way; so the Lord patiently and lovingly sees us along the way in our choices, but always leaves it to us.

And so I choose to choose Him. I commit to follow him. From light cluster to light cluster. Glory to Glory. I want to intentionally set my heart on him. To look at the life he has blessed me with an actually live it to the fullest. It's not by chance I am who I am, and I've encountered what I have. It is the story he thought up just for me. I love the way Donald Miller puts it in the author's note of "Through Painted Deserts." (* read the whole thing for free online.. my favorite thing to read again and again..) He says:

"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?

It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.

I want to repeat one word for you:

Leave.

Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."


We have the opportunity to live out the amazing story he wrote for us. He is the master story teller. He's established the elements, and is always with us. It would be a shame to not venture out and see what gets written of our life. You only get one on this earth- let's make it one worthy of the creator.