Gratitude: Is Everything Meaningless or a Gift?

Gratitude: Is Everything meaningless or a Gift?

"Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world."

Sarah Ban Breathnach

God speaks to me when I run with him, when I walk, when I get away and clear space for him to speak. When I step out of the chaos so to speak. This week I have been having Solomon's same pondering of life. What's the meaning? Are we just here and die, and that's it? Does anything I do matter, make a dent or difference. I've been struggling to get motivated and to finish anything. My life looks like piles of unfinished projects and dreams never dug into and accomplished, and I'm tired of it. I started talking to Haddie, the 3 month old little girl I am nannying, and my thoughts went back to hopelessness of the tasks ahead, and questions I don't have the answers to: (not necessarily in this order..) 

• Fundraising for G-42 or staying in Portland to work and go to school? 
• How do I know for certain I am in God's will when so many options seem plausible?
• Starting a non-profit 
• Making a difference in the lives of children in india, the middle east and around the world 
• How do you know when he's "the one"- is there just one, or several and we just choose?
• Is everything meaningless or does everything carry great significance?
• How can I ever live a life worthy or Christ's death?

There were more, my spirit was heavy. Why can I not seem to get out of this funk? As I babbled on, Haddie looked up at me and started to coo. Then she was giggling, then she snorted, and laughed deep in a way that jerked her whole body and her mouth spread open cheek to cheek. I couldn't help but smile and laugh as well. This. This simple laughing, a baby's smile, and the joy they bring; this is what it is to live. Well- a piece of it. I get the good pleasure of being alive, and enjoying the simple beauties all around me that point to my creator. 

As I drove home that evening I kept getting distracted by Portland- It was hard to focus on the road. Look at all of this around me. This city is beautiful, the buildings, the bridges, the churches and the  businesses. What if the architects only drew the first half of the buildings, the builders grew bored of the labor the bridge took, and left it be. I looked to my left, and Mount Hood was completely visible and the doubts and questions calmed. What if God decided, "Nah, I'll finish creation later.." Would these glorious mountains be here, would I be here. I'm thankful for the follow through-ers, the dreamers who turn them into realities, the architects, the builders, the churches in it for the long haul, the non-profits fighting for kids in sex trafficking, and children without a home. I am thankful that they didn't listen to the voice saying it was all meaningless. I'm thankful God finished, and he said, " It is good." I'm thankful he takes delight in me, and that I can take delight in His beautiful creation and see that he does not leave things half finished, and neither should I. 

This weekend is Easter, and I am reminded that Jesus was born a man, lived, taught and brought kingdom, was tortured and crucified for me until it was finished. And on the third day we could rejoice that after being a dead corpse Jesus rose from the dead and death was defeated. It was truly finished! Death now holds no power, Jesus has the power and he is able to bring any dead thing to life, any pain to joy, any dream to a reality and give meaning to a wandering life. 

I may not know all the answers to my pondering, but I do know that my life is a gift, however long or short, and I want to live it to the fullest for the next year or fifty. I am wasting it questioning the meaning of everything instead of living in the blessing of everything around me, and all that Christ died to accomplish and invite me into. So I will take Anne VosKamp at her challenge and declare thankfulness for the glimpses of truth and life that surround me everyday. Can I list a thousand gifts? I think it is perfectly put that, " thanks is what multiplies the joy and makes any life large, and I hunger for it." * I do hunger for it, a life overflowing with joy, lived for every moment and thankful for the next. Do you?

This is Haddie! 

SMILE! 

* from One thousand Gifts by: Ann VosKamp